


I remember you

by RememberMashton18



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Again, Amnesia, Cake, F/M, Falling In Love, I'm Sorry, I'm horrible at tagging, Multi, Sad Michael, Slow Build, Smut, eventually, extremely in love, you're hurt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-19
Updated: 2015-05-19
Packaged: 2018-03-31 07:02:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3968872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RememberMashton18/pseuds/RememberMashton18
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Darkness. All I could see was darkness. It was everywhere. The heaviness of it pressing down on me. I tried letting my eyes adjust, but I remember it hurt. I remember that I had never felt such a soaring pain. I remember thinking that I had gone blind, that had to be the reason for the immense darkness surrounding me. I tried to move, but I couldn’t and that frightened me. I remember that I wanted to scream and move, but I also remember I couldn’t. I remember nothing but darkness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Darkness

Darkness. All I could see was darkness. It was everywhere. The heaviness of it pressing down on me. I tried letting my eyes adjust, but I remember it hurt. I remember that I had never felt such a soaring pain. I remember thinking that I had gone blind, that had to be the reason for the immense darkness surrounding me. I tried to move, but I couldn’t and that frightened me. I remember that I wanted to scream and move, but I also remember I couldn’t. I remember nothing but darkness. 

I feel like I’ve been drowning in a pitch black room. I can’t remember colours or the touch of grass or even the smell of flowers, but in the back of my mind I know that I could remember, if I just tried hard enough. I have just gotten too used to the blackness. I can’t stop thinking about the colour black, I always thought I knew what black was like, but I was wrong. In fact I couldn’t have been more wrong. This darkness surrounding me, made the black I’ve always known look like an average shade of blue. This black was consuming, it consumed me and my thoughts. And it scared the hell out of me, what was I supposed to do?   
I know that trying to move or speak will not help me, but it was so tempting. I was tempted to scream, to make sure that someone, anyone would know that I was here, for that person to talk to me and tell me that I was going to be fine. That all of this nothingness had a reason. That when, no that if, I could ever see again it would all make perfect sense.   
Try to believe yourself if you find yourself in my situation. I could try to talk some courage into myself, to tell myself that it was just for a little bit, but every single time I drifted to the surface again, that was it. I had no way out, the only thing left for me to do was wait. To wait for the sun to start rising, for this black sky to become just a little bit lighter. I was holding on to the last bit of hope and restraint I had left. I knew there were people waiting for me, would I ever open my eyes again. There were faces swimming trough my mind, too vague to put a name to, but clear enough to call for a sense of recognition. It’s hard trying to remember things, especially since I’m not quite sure they’re actually memories.   
I feel this constant pressure on my chest, it reminds me of the way of fear, although I do not remember what I was afraid of. Do you remember when you were a child and you were scared of the monster under your bed or in your closet? When you got older you knew you had been afraid of nothing, but the sense of fear, that feeling that completely paralized you when you were alone in your room. That remains, it will always remain. Sure, the things we fear might change, but not the feeling. I can tell you first hand what happens when you are confronted with that fear for god knows how long. I could feel myself giving up, why would I want to live in a life where all I know is fear? I want to hold on to the last bit of life I have for those vague faces, but they are becoming blurrier by the second. I’m afraid of what will happen when they fade away completely. 

I don’t know how long it’s been, but I can feel in my bones it has been a while. It might’ve been just a week, maybe longer. I don’t know how to explain to you how I know that it has been quite a while since I was last awake. How does one explain something like that. However, I can explain to you how I felt myself creeping closer to death. Every minute passing made me long for it more. At this point I craved that sweet release. The more time I have to think about it, the more I feel stupid for ever being scared of death. Death is not scary, it’s just the last way to say ‘Hey, sorry life, I’ve had enough. I can’t go on like this anymore.’ And who could blame me. 

 

I can feel myself getting to the surface again, but something feels off, it feels different. Instead of the deafening silence I could hear something, or maybe someone. I could hear voices, but it sounds like I’m under water. The voices sound so far away and I can’t understand a word they’re saying. I try to scream again, but I still can’t. It feels as if I’m in a very loud, crowded space and I have to try to make myself heard to the person on the other side of the room. No matter how hard I scream he could never hear me. So I try concentrating. To focus my hearing and make out the voices. No such luck. 

It keeps happening, every single time I can hear voices. They become increasingly louder. I feel excited, but terrified at the same time. I can hear people crying and screaming, I hate it when people are upset and this is my fault. If I just opened my stupid eyes, they wouldn’t have to cry anymore. Right now, I can actually follow the conversation. I hear the voice of a very broken boy and of an older woman, my mum maybe? 

“What if she never wakes up? I can’t live without her!” The boy said exasperated.  
“She’ll wake up, love, her body just needs time to heal.” The voice of this woman feels so soothing, like she knows that I’m struggling right now and just wants to let me know that they won’t give up on me. I can hear the boy sobbing and something in my head just snaps. I don’t know who he is right now, but I want to hold him and tell him that I’m doing everything I possibly can. He sounds so broken.   
“This is all my fault.”   
Is the last I hear before I get pulled down again.


	2. hi

I could feel someone holding my hand and it’s one of the nicest feelings. It means that I can feel again, after such a long period of not feeling anything. However, the sweetness of someone holding my hand got paired with the pain returning. My head was pounding, my throat was on fire and even breathing hurt. The pain got worse and worse, but I knew screaming wouldn’t help and trying to move wouldl only make it worse. But the pain got so bad at one point that I couldn’t help but gasp. It felt like all the air got sucked out of my lungs, I was scared to breathe cause it hurt too much. In the back of my brain I registered the room going deathly quiet and I kept thinking am I dead? Because if this is what death feels like, I take everything back. If this is death I want to live, was death not supposed to relieve you from all of your pain? 

“Teresa, baby, are you awake? Can you hear me?”   
I opened my eyes as a response, but I shut them immediately after that, groaning in pain.   
“Someone quick get a doctor.” An unfamiliar voice yelled, making me groan again.   
“Shut up, you idiot, you’re hurting her.” Someone whisper yelled. I could hear them bickering back and forth and I tried my best to just drown them out. To concentrate on the feeling of the hand holding mine, to distract me from my pain. I heard someone walking out of the room and returning a few minutes later.   
“Teresa, can you hear me?” A friendly female voice asked me.  
“Yes.” I croaked back. My own voice shocked me, I had forgotten what it sounded like, but I guess my voice has changed as well. I sound incredibly hoarse and that doesn’t really come as a surprise, since my throat is still as dry as the desert. However, I refuse to be one of those cliché movie stereotypes where the first thing I ask for is water. In fact, I will never ask for anything again, just to be able to open my eyes without a searing pain shooting trough my entire body. That’s all I ask for. So, instead of asking for water I just said the second thing that came to my mind.   
“Hurts.” I tried to make a joke out of it, but unfortunately me trying to chuckle turned out to be one of my least smart plans. But I could hear the people in the room laugh sadly and I just wanted to do everything I possibly could to make it a bit easier on them. 

“Mandy, could you give her a little bit more morfine? And afterwards we’ll run some tests to make sure everything is fine.” I’m not sure who this woman was addressing with both the first part of that sentence as well as the last, but I hadn’t forgotten what morfine does and I was over the moon. I could feel my pain lessen, it was still there, but more bearable now. Which caused me to try and open my eyes again. This time I succeeded. Squinting at the bright lights that were blinding me, I look around the room. I can see three women, two of which are wearing a white doctors coat and two men, or rather one men and one young men. 

“Teresa, sweetheart, I thought I lost you. I was so scared. I’m so sorry this is all my fault.” This beautiful boy with blue hair kept rambling, while I was studying his face. He had bags unders his eyes as dark as they get, I could still see the tracks of the now dried tears staining his cheeks and his lips were bitten and swollen. This boy with the sad green eyes, who still looked handsome, probably hadn’t slept in days.   
“I shouldn’t have let you walk out of the door.” He finished.   
I just kept looking at him, not knowing what to say.   
“She might be a little confused. She was in a coma for quite some time, give her some time to adjust.” The doctor said to the boy. His once relieved faced morphed into one of sadness again. I looked over to the woman not wearing a white coat and she gives me a sweet, but sad smile and I can tell she knows. Looking over at the other men doesn’t help either. He looks a tiny bit better than the other boy, but still horrible and he was silently crying. I hate to see people cry.   
“Teresa, we’re going to do some tests now. Just stay calm and it will be over before you know it.”   
I said nothing, I just gave a small smile to the three people that were still in the room while they took me away. 

“No, Cal. Yes she’s awake. They’re doing some tests now. I don’t know when she’s coming back, ok?! I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell. Oh, I’ll call you soon, she’s back. Yeah, Thanks mate.” 

 

“Hi.” I said softly.  
“Hey baby.”  
He rushes over to me and takes my hand in his. At this point I realise that I do not know this beautiful boy beside me. I don’t know who he is. I don’t recognise any of the faces I’ve seen today. At first when I opened my eyes it didn’t register, I was still in so much pain and the morfine made me sleepy, but now everything was clearer. I retract my hand as fast as I can, hurting myself in the process, but I don’t care right now. Why is he touching me? I don’t know him.   
“Babe, what’s wrong?” He asked while reaching for me again. I can’t help but flinch, both at his words and his actions. In his eyes was nothing but fear and pain. I wanted to console him, because I knew I was the cause, but he scared me. I don’t like it when people touch me, especially when I don’t know them. I can see something in his eyes, but I can’t put my finger on it. We stared at each other for a long time, the man and woman I saw earlier come back into the room and start talking to the boy. I keep watching them, just to be sure, I don’t know what their intentions are and that scares me. What scares me more is knowing that if they try something, I’m too weak to defend myself. So I decide to pretend that I’m asleep, but I keep listening to their conversation. 

I hear someone coming into my room, but I keep my eyes closed.   
“Hello. I’m afraid I have some bad news.” It’s the same voice as earlier, the lady in the white doctors coat. “It seems as if the car accident, in which Teresa has been involved, left a big impact on her brain. Her medial temporal lobe was damaged severely. This has caused retrogade amnesia. This means that she has lost a part of her memory, we’re not quite sure how much of her memory she has lost, but we will run some more tests when she wakes up. I’m really sorry. If you have any questions don’t be afraid to ask them.”   
The boy instantly piped up. “Will she get her memories back?”   
“That is not certain. I can’t promise you that she will remember, but I can tell you that in most cases at least big parts of the lost memory return. However, everyone is different and I can’t predict how Teresa’s body will respond to all of this.”   
“Thank you, doctor.” The woman spoke. I’m guessing the doctor nodded and left, because the first thing I hear after that is the boy crying and sobbing.   
“She doesn’t remember me.” He cried out.  
“You don’t know that, baby, maybe she does.”   
“She doesn’t! When I tried to hold her hand this afternoon she pulled away as if she was scared of me and after that she looked at me like.. like I was a stranger.”   
“Shh, my dear boy, everything will turn out ok, we are here for you and for her and so are the boys. Everything will turn out the way it’s meant to be.”   
The boy only started crying harder and after that I forced myself to sleep. I couldn’t handle any more. I was emotionally exhausted. 

 

The next few days passed in a blur. There was lots of crying, lots of tests and more unfamiliar faces. Every single one of them looking just as upset that I couldn’t remember them. The doctors figured out that I’m missing the last two years of my life, which, according to the four boys that kept visiting, had been the best years of my life and I had, apparently, told them that repeatedly. I finally learned all of their names again. The boy with the blue hair and gorgeous green eyes was named Michael, the man and woman that were with him when I woke up are his parents Karen and Daryl. The dark skinned boy with the warm brown eyes, resembling a puppy was Calum, the incredibly tall and lanky, blonde boy with the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen was Luke and the last boy with the curls, the dimples and the hazel eyes was Ashton.   
I had decided to let my guard down a bit a few days ago. I wanted to know more about my life and what I had done in the past few years. These boys would tell me about my life as well as theirs and they even made me laugh a few times. I can see why I would’ve befriended them. 

When I asked them where my parents were they stayed very vague and no matter how hard I pushed the subject they wouldn’t tell me anything. It was the same whenever I asked about really personal stuff like if I had a boyfriend, etc. Just after I asked that particular question I saw them all looking at each other and that only spiked my interest more, but it had been a long day and the time for visitors was up, so in the end I still knew hardly anything important. 

 

After 3 months in a coma and 3 weeks in the hospital after that, I was finally released from the boody hospital. I would be extremely happy if I would never have to visit a hospital again. Sadly, though, I needed to go back in a few weeks for a check up, but for now I could go home. This also meant they were obliged to tell me something more about my personal life. Where do I live? What do I do for a living? Turns out I live on my own in a tiny apartment in Sydney and I used to work as a waitress. Upon my arrival in my humble apartment, all the guys lingered. I’m guessing they’re afraid to leave me and I get where they’re coming from. They keep claiming I am, or at least was, their best friend and they almost lost me, so they didn’t want to leave my side. The only thing I wanted to do though was roam around my apartment looking around for clues about my past life. 

I gave in when they insisted that one of them would stay with me until I would go to bed. Damn their sad puppy eyes. So, Luke stayed.   
“So, Luke, do you have a girlfriend?” I asked, eager to know more about one of my so called best friends. He turned bright red and started stuttering. It was actually quite cute.   
“I-uh I’m gay.”   
“You are? Cool.” I tried to sound as reassuring as possible. I had never really cared if someone was gay, but Luke just looked so nervous.  
“Yeah, uh Cal and I have been dating for 7 months just after you an- I mean just after you ‘officially’ joined our group.” He looked anxious and he was fumbling with his sweater quite a lot.   
“I.. I should go.” He rushed out. “I’ll come check on you tomorrow!”   
And with that he stormed out of my apartment. So Calum and Luke, it actually made sense they were very touchy with each other, but I just thought that was something their little group did, being very handsy. I guess I was wrong. I

t’s been a long day anyway, I figured I could investigate my apartment tomorrow morning. Now, it was time for bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. Please, let me know what you think. 
> 
> Love,   
> Rachelle

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! The next chapter will be more exciting.   
> If I made any mistakes please don't be afraid to tell me, English is not my first language so I reckon I made a lot of mistakes haha. Let me know what you think. Next chapter will be up soon!
> 
> Love,   
> Rachelle


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